Published on January 1st, 2013 | by Darik Kirschman3
Don’t Starve: Chronicles of a mad scientist
The scientific community laughed at me. They called me crazy. Exploring the mysteries of nature? A “fool’s errand” in their eyes! Poppycock and balderdash. And folderol. Science must be done. We shall see who ends up eating whose victorious guffaws! So I left, determined to answer the great riddles of life. To that end, I have lost myself in the middle of the woods. And they are not ordinary woods, for a great uneasiness tempers the excitement of the exploration and discovery ahead. I will attempt to document everything I can, my struggles and triumphs. I only hope there aren’t any spiders mucking about…
Things have started pleasantly enough. After spending several hours collecting grass, sticks and flint-rocks, I had crafted an axe! My newly created tool helped greatly in further foraging–pine trees fell to the power of human ingenuity! To give back to Mother Nature for all she’s provided, I replanted pine cones when I could. As the sun started to set, I realized it would be prudent to start a fire — and to finally eat something. My stomach was rather empty!
Of course, not all things go as planned. Mankind has long since tamed fire, yet she is a fickle mistress. In my haste to keep the darkness at bay, I may have accidentally started a small forest fire. I did, however, manage to roast several berries I had found earlier in the day. They made for an adequate meal as I watched the fires die down.
At the first light of day, I set to work gathering more supplies. The fires had destroyed a large portion of the forest, so it was necessary to seek a new campsite. A blessing is disguise, of course! Exploring the unknown is key to scientific discoveries, after all. With the materials I had gathered, I swiftly made a pick-axe, allowing for mining of precious minerals. With any such luck I would find gold ore, enough to create my most ingenious invention, the Science Machine. A mechanical marvel, capable of receiving any sort of item and breaking it down to its core particles! The insights into our world that it provides are staggering — necessary for the human mind to fathom even more inventions! It is vital to my plans.
While mining, I happened to come across a large spider’s nest, deep within a grove of evergreen trees. The very sight of it sent shivers up my spine. Dreadful creatures, spiders, yet curiously afraid of the light. During the day, this nest will pose no threat. However, I made a note of its location. It’d be wise to steer clear of this area at night. Suddenly, I had become very aware of how defenseless I was. My only hope is to construct a Science Machine! With the full might of knowledge on my side, the hostile creatures of this land will pose no threat at all! I have no doubt of that.
I started the morning by trapping a rabbit. Berries and seeds can sustain a man for only so long. I craved juicy, succulent meat. My prize would have to wait until the evening. Roasted rabbit would be the reward for finally constructing my wondrous mechanism! Upon cracking open a few more boulders, I finally came across the gold ore I so desperately needed! Within several minutes, I had a completed, working Science Machine within my campsite. What a testament to the strength of the human mind, to be able to create such complexity from nature itself. I allowed myself a moment to revel in my brilliance. Those imbeciles back home would have died the first day, most assuredly. I aim to survive — to conquer nature and all its beasts!
I ate like a king! Rabbit, roasted berries and seeds. In the distance, I heard the cries of what sounded like a beefalo! The promise of even more meat made my mouth water. I vowed to search them out in the coming days. Tomorrow, however, is a day for science and understanding!
I began to work like mad, throwing anything and everything into the Science Machine. Its breakdowns of the items I had scavenged offered such insight into the inner workings of the forest’s ecosystem, of life itself! I worked all through dinner, losing myself in science. The sun set…I heard rustling from the treeline.
I had forgotten to make a fire.
The monstrous spiders emerged from their den, swarming my camp. They hungered for flesh. My flesh. I panicked, quickly building a fire to drive them off, but not before sustaining grievous wounds. I will die before sunrise. My final resting place, these godforsaken lands! Perhaps I was the fool, thinking that nature was mine to control. If any dare to continue my work, heed my warnings: out here, in the wilderness, you must focus on survival first and foremost. Science, second. It is a means to an end, after all. A way to better your life — but what good is it, if your life is extinguished by miserable spiders? No good at all, I say.
No good at all.
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